Friday, January 30, 2009

My life is confusing enough….

Codename : Dreams I have come to realize that my life is confusing enough. Can’t seem to figure out what I should really do actually? People tell me to work, I work. Tell me this, tell me that. I follow. I realized that haven’t been doing what I want to do. It’s more like I am doing what others want me to do.

Even if you are going to give me comments like “Just be yourself.” , “Just do what you like.”…etc. The thing is, I have heard those comments many a times already. Yet, nothing change, everything is just the same. Tell me, other than those common answers, isn’t there anything else to advise about? (At this junction, most people would probably say “I have nothing else more to say.”)

My life is very confusing indeed. I don’t have the slightest clue as to what I am doing with my life. Apart from trying to learn from Japanese drama series and US TV series. And also from animes, I am really someone that should be out of reality of sort. Just this week, I am watching this Japanese drama series Proposal Daisakusen. The story : “Iwase Ken and Yoshida Rei have been friends since elementary school. Ken, is obstinate and unskilled in love, but he fell long ago for the lively and cheerful, Rei. But Rei is about to get married to another man. While Ken and other friends from high-school attend the wedding ceremony, a fairy appears and sends Ken back in time, giving him a second chance to win the girl he loves

Throughout the series, Ken is sent many times into the past by the fairy. (Which is really weird, considering that anyone usually get only one chance, he gets 10 or more.) Anyway, as it turns out, no matter how many times he goes back to change something, when he returns, Rei is still going to marry the another man. At the end, Ken finally realized he can’t change what has already happened, but Rei indirectly managed to get it when Ken was asked to speak during the wedding reception. Rei’s husband-to-be also noticed it, so he let her go then asking himself “What the hell I am doing?”

Rei then couldn’t find Ken anywhere, the fairy appear and told her that it knows what she is thinking and was hoping she could go back in time to change this situation, however the fairy told her that even if she goes back to the past, she can’t change anything, what is more important is that she can change what happens now and the future. She chased after him after realizing what the fairy said is true.

Watching this series, makes me think that my life is confusing as Ken’s life. Ken couldn’t figure out what he should do. It’s the same as me now, I couldn’t figure out what I should do. People keep on telling us what to do. Like the fairy telling Ken what he should have done, yet he still is confused at what he is doing. Like me, where people keep on telling me what to do, yet I still don’t know what I should really do.

Confusing really. Confusing enough. Really, “I should do what I feels like doing.” isn’t really something that people should tell people. In reality, at least I think is that even if doing what you feels like doing, isn’t as easy as you did think. Just like Rei’s husband-to-be, Ken, Rei. They wanted to do what they feels like doing, but as it turns out, it is not easy to begin with and not easy to make it happen afterwards.

I feel the same. Confusing life, I have.

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